Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
