Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
