There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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