Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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