im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
BRING THE BAGELS
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
