literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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