So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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