Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
