is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
