Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
