My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
