If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
