hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
