Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
