i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
