Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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