she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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