My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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