this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Barsexuality is the new black.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
