i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
