Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
