No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
