Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am midnight drunk by noon
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
