Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
