I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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