you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
