I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
