I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
