I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
we should paint friendship bongs
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