Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
