The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
