i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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