why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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