I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
3pm strippers are depressing
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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