the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
