We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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