A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
