Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
