Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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