I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
