There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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