I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
