so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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