the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
