You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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