i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
