i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
