ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
