Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
worst night to have a conscience
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
