it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
