omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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