I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
