He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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