my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
