Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
